Purple Tom

So today I climbed into the back of Purple Tom's Car and waited for him to come out. I was hiding in the back of his purple station wagon. When he had started the car and was on his way he made a phone call to his girlfriend. He was all like "I am a man" and she was like "not until I say so," and he was like "Okay master." It was so much bullshit. I wanted to jump out of the back and punch him in the face. Instead, I jumped out and put a grocery bag over his head. We didn't crash but Tom wet his pants. Judging by the location of the wet spot, I have verified that Tom lost his penis. I asked him and he said that he put it in a shoe box under his bed, and that he was saving it for a "special" day. Upon return to the quad, we went up to his room and Tom showed me his penis in a box. It appeared that Stir and Rednick had found it during a Low 5 session and had put graffiti on it. Tom was so angry to find that they had drawn peni all over his penis. But Tom in his no-testosterone rage was subdued by a heartwarming Hallmark trading card commercial and retired his crusade to get Nick and Stir. Tom took his penis into the bathroom and cleaned it off. Tom decided that his penis wasn't safe anywhere else and reluctantly reattached his member to himself. Immediately his posture changed and a full beard exploded on his face. Tom screamed in liberating madness and played hours of videogames with his friends until the sun rose. Truly a star was truly born.