Nerd Dies on Bicycle

Today, the family of Oakville Southern Senior Theodore "Fuck off Creep" Richmond gather to honor the memory of their fallen kin. "Ted was a special child," said Ted's english teacher, "He was very much into science fiction and was a excellent writer." Ted Richmond was accellerating his bike down the 600 block of Main St early Saturday morning trying to achieve wht he told friends was a "Special speed" in which he will transend time itself, when he was struck by what was described as a "stampede of automotive death" which "ignited a symphonic storm of carnage." Despite overwelming evidence of Mr. Richmond's passing, some members of a group calling themselves "The Oakview Time Conductors" claim that Ted is very much alive but is in a different era. "His current trip was to the year 2555," said Grand Time Commander Louis Loren, "His mission is simple, go save Princess Lucia, and defeat the Evil Emperor Id." Mr. Loren admited that Mr. Richmond was overdue for his return and that the group had been planning a rescue effort. Ted is survived by his mother, stepfather, a level 65 Necromoger, a level 50 Dark Knight Elf, and his internet girlfriend and lover Alyson Woods.