In Spain, he who Sleeps is the King.

It's that time of the year again were we must mourn the failed abortion of Brien Smith-Martinez. First we must start by recognizing that his last name is hyphonated only because neither of his parents wanted to claim responciblity for him and it seemd like a reasonable comprimise. The nine monthes that Brien's tiny body festered in his mother womb was unbearable. Brien's father was also grief stricken for using a lamb skin condon. since then he has mad e safe sex his political platform and is actively trying to prevent any more Briens from being born.

However, A miracule would happen soon and Brien became an older brother. This opportunity gave brien's parents hours of guilt free negect of their elder spawn. Usually Brien would just chew on the power cords in his house. This behaivor was highly encouraged. When Brien turned nine (by most docters count, no one knows how old Brien actually is. His parents burnt the birth certificate.) he was "accidentally left in a shopping mall, he lived there for three monthes eating half eating burgers and fries and drinking the juice like substance in the bottom of the trash cans. no one knows how he returned ot his original home, but what is knwon is that since then special legislation has been passed to prevent things of this naturefrom happening again. The story goes cold here and evidence of Brien's survival despite God's will only arises as his parent's celebrated his departure from home to college.

At College, Brien wa accepted and became very popular. He was known as a athletic sporting type and was well versed in the arts of pleasing women. Then one day he met Chi (yours truly) and Chi treated him very nice and never said anything meant to him. No Chi didn't think that Brien was worthless at all. Chi had full confidence in Brien. This was before John put on weight, back when things were simple, long before Zack's egg hatched and back when FF11 was simply the fucking shit. Nothing was better. Brien later went on to insdeinate everything non-mechanica. Whatever, I'm tired of typing and it's time to watch some stupid videos on the internet.

Go Google Video!... anf Happy Birthday Brien...watch your back or something.

War is over.

A treaty was signed on Monday between myself and a small cartoon pig. The animal came into my chambers humble and apologetic and we worked things out. All is well again. OKAY batte da yo!

Let's not forget who the real heroes are

It's that time of the year again. The time when I watch one football game. It's such a good feeling to renew your citizenship to your freedom filled country. However, this time of the year isn't just about renewal, it's also about acknowledging our sins. My sin: not inlisting in the NFL. Our real heroes are the few the proud the brave the meanest ugliest sons of bitches to ever escape the egg. Teachers and doctors are lame, give me a 300lb man that can flip a Chevy S-10 anyday.


























Look into the eyes of America's soldiers. They train all day, they sacrifice their bodies for practically free. When you think about it, a little war in Iraq almost seems trivial. We'd only be so lucky. I wish the superbowl was as easy as bringing God's democracy to the middle-east.